quotations from The Simpsons
All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
HOMER
The Simpsons
Ironic, isn't it Smithers. This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!
MR. BURNS
"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish", The Simpsons
You have 24 hours to give us our money. And to show you we're serious ... you have 12 hours.
FAT TONY
"The Twisted World of Marge Simpson", The Simpsons
You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
MARGE
The Simpsons
If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
LISA
The Simpsons
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
HOMER
The Simpsons
Son, I know this seems like the biggest disappointment of your life, but trust me, there are going to be so many more. What you've got to remember is... Oh my God, 13 men in the field! Review it, review it, review it! Yes!! Play stands!
HOMER
"How Lisa Got Her Marge Back", The Simpsons
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
BART
The Simpsons
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
HOMER
"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation", The Simpsons
Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
LENNY
"Homer vs. Dignity", The Simpsons
The shapely female form has no place in Art!
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
The Simpsons
Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
MARGE
The Simpsons
Now we play the waiting game. [long pause] Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
HOMER
"Mr. Plow", The Simpsons
You're turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug!
BART
"Bart's Girlfriend", The Simpsons
There's no justice like angry-mob justice.
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
The Simpsons
Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?
HOMER
"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington", The Simpsons
I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows!
BART
The Simpsons
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones ...
GRAMPA
"Last Exit to Springfield", The Simpsons
What if you pretended that this couch were a bar? Then you could spend more nights at home with us. Huh?
MARGE
"Fear of Flying", The Simpsons
Talk to the audience? Oh, this part is always death.
KRUSTY THE CLOWN
The Simpsons