American author (1842-1914)
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Adam probably regarded Eve as the woman of his choice, and exacted a certain gratitude for the distinction of his preference.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
SAINT, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Imagination, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"The Moonlit Road"
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"