AMBROSE BIERCE QUOTES VI

American author (1842-1914)

APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Respirator, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


WITCH, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary

Tags: witchcraft


CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary