DAVID LETTERMAN QUOTES IV

American talk show host (1947- )

The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.... I tried to TiVo the debate and my TiVo fell asleep.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, Sep. 8, 2011


The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

DAVID LETTERMAN

attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations


There was a flight from Cleveland to New York City with just two people on board. There hasn't been two people on an airplane since the Wright brothers.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, January 14, 2015


In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, October 17, 2014


It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, Mar. 20, 2012

Tags: spring


There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix-up and he was greeted by seventy-two vegans.

DAVID LETTERMAN

attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations

Tags: Osama Bin Laden


Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

DAVID LETTERMAN

The Late Show with David Letterman

Tags: Los Angeles


Did you hear about the earthquake in California?... A 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful it knocked Arnold Schwarzenegger off his housekeeper.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, August 25, 2014

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger


Harrison Ford proposed to Calista Flockhart and then slipped the ring around her waist.

DAVID LETTERMAN

attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes


In London you can buy a hamburger for $1,700. Now, wait a minute, before you start bellyaching, yes, it comes with fries. It's $1,700. It's called the McSucker.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Late Show with David Letterman, October 10, 2014

Tags: London


Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.

DAVID LETTERMAN

on the National Security Agency's eavesdropping program, The Late Show with David Letterman, January 25, 2006