Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
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Don't worry about people who don't worry about you.
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All you need is love. And a tiara. And maybe a cookie.
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Never try to destroy someone else's life with a lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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He who dies with the most toys wins.
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We'll be friends until we're old and senile, then we'll be new friends.
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INSOMNIA = 1:51 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:52 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:53 A.M. + ETERNITY
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My alarm tells me you're in my house. My gun tells me not for long.
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Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
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Pile up enough tomorrows and you'll end up with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint.
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People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
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A liberal is a socialist with a wife and two children.
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During sex it's perfectly fine to say "YEAH", "YES", and "OH YES", but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming "YEP"?
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Paradise is not a place, it's a state of mind.
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Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.
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Tact carries a bunch of curiously-fashioned keys, that open all kinds of doors.
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The British Harbinger, April 1, 1870
Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go to Vegas.
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Sincerity is not to say everything you think but to mean everything you say.
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